The opening statements of the president’s independence day speech had me looking around like wait- could he be talking about us or another country. He used such colorful and celebratory words that had me like OK brother, you sure you live here?

Who ever wrote this speech “you know try at all” – because the president looks as disconnected “AF”.  

The opening statement sets the tone for the entire letter, so we decided to be model citizens by helping out the president’s speech writer

Dear Compatriots – 1st October each year is an opportunity for us to reflect and thank God for his endless blessings on our country.

Amended version – As October 1st dawns upon again, we are grateful to God for life, but we need to take out time for a sober reflection and to tell ourselves some hard truths.

It is also a time for us, collectively, to: Remember the sacrifices made by our Founders and great leaders past; by soldiers, by distinguished public servants; by traditional leaders, by our workers — sacrifices on which Nigeria has been built over the 59 years since Independence in 1960

Amended Version – 59 years ago, our fore fathers and great leaders past fought the colonialist for our freedom but ever since we have turned the trigger to ourselves fighting endlessly for resources and power. we have strayed away from the ideals of our founding fathers. As we celebrate Nigeria at 59 ,we must remember that divided we fall.

And Rededicate ourselves to attaining the goals which we have set for ourselves: a united, prosperous and purposeful nation in the face of 21st century opportunities and challenges.

Amended Version- We must set aside our tribal and religious difference, and unite under the umbrella of one Nigeria- only then can we forge ahead to face the many challenges plaguing the nation and propel our country into economic prosperity in this 21st century

There Mr president- We fixed it; you see, there is no need to pretend like the problems don’t exist- and am sure you dont want Nigerians thinking you are lost in your bubble of blessings and unity- Thank me later

Side note- The president is off to South Africa on a “State-visit”, who cares about xenophobia